It’s morning.
The sun rises on our great land.
I smell the unmistakable odor
of baseballs.

Some are signed
Some are unsigned
I want the baseballs that are signed
by Mitt Romney.

What does a free and strong America
mean to me?
It means to me something about baseballs
And something about how I want all the baseballs
that are signed by Mitt Romney

Those other baseballs?
The unsigned baseballs?
You can have those baseballs
Send them to communist China
so starving Chinese kids can cook them
and eat them

Free and strong
Free and strong
America means …
It’s ME! Don’t you get it?
IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME!
I’m the one who made America free and strong!
How did I do it?
By praying for Mitt Romney compulsively every night for eight years, even when I had the sniffles, I still prayed for him.

THE END