Messages like this are why I entered the field of artisanal pencil sharpening:

The pencil that you sharpened for my wife’s wedding present is one of our prized possessions. We have not used it yet. Our plan is to put it inside a glass case with a label: ‘In case of standardized test, break glass.’

Lots of pencil sharpening activity is planned for this weekend … close your eyes and listen; you may hear the shavings flying off the shafts as I bring out the inner sharpness of many a fine Ticonderoga #2 …