Thanks to everyone who came to last night’s comedy show. It was really fun. When our contestants got the ping-pong ball to stick to the peanut butter during “Imitation Minute to Win It,” I almost died from a joy overdose. Guy Fieri, I’m coming for your job so hard it’s not even funny.

If anyone from Greenpoint/Williamsburg wants to come the comedy show in Beacon tomorrow night, one of our friends is renting a Zipcar and has extra room. Email davidhart.org “at” gmail.com for details …

Hope to see you at the show!

If you like Minute to Win It, ie The Hottest TV Show In America, you should come to our comedy show on Saturday, 9/25 in Beacon NY. Just trust me.

BCRG Presents: Max Silvestri and Allison Silverman!
Hosted by Sam Anderson and David Rees
Hudson Valley Auctioneers
432 Main St.
Beacon, NY
8:00 PM / $5

Please, everyone come to this show. Max Silvestri is hilarious and Allison Silverman used to be the head writer for the Colbert Report. This show is gonna be off the hoof. Yes, that is a horse reference. I just found out that my friend bought a horse. “What a crazy world we live in.”

Sharpening a pencil for one of America’s premiere small business owners:

(Thanks to MH for the picture.)

Love this:

A would-be Koran-burner in Amarillo, Texas was foiled by a 23-year-old Texas skateboarder named Jacob Isom, who was among a group of people protesting a planned burning on Saturday. As Isom described it: “I snuck up behind him and took his Koran, he said something about burning the Koran, I said ‘Dude you have no Koran,’ and ran off.”

Reminds me of this:

“Dude you have no Koran.”

I’m an old-school Superchunk fan. I have the “Cool/Fishing” 7-inch. I also have the “Freed Seed” EP. (I also saw them play “Enter Sandman” at the WXYC Madonnathon, and if anyone knows what I’m talking about, congratulations you’ve just won the “MNFTIU Old-School Award.”)

Anyway, I really like Superchunk so it makes me excited to announce that I WILL BE ARTISANALLY SHARPENING PENCILS AT THE BOWERY BALLROOM SUPERCHUNK SHOW ON SATURDAY, 9/18.

I have no idea what this will be like. Oh wait, actually, I do: IT WILL BE AWESOME.

So if you have tickets to the show, please stop by the merch area (I think that’s where I’ll be) and order a pencil and I’ll sharpen it right then and there!!! While I’m sharpening your pencil we can discuss mid-90s Chapel Hill artisanal indie rock: Scuppernong, Evil Weiner, Zen Frisbee, Vanilla Trainwreck … bring it.

(PS: Thanks to reader JKD for letting me know that the farmers’ market in the video below is the Durham one, not the Carrboro one.)

To avoid a quarrel is a setback for sin, for it is a hot temper that kindles quarrels.
A sinner sows trouble between friends and spreads scandal where before there was peace.
A fire is kept hot by stoking and a quarrel by persistence.
A man’s rage is in proportion to his strength, and his anger in proportion to his wealth.
A hasty argument kindles a fire, and a hasty quarrel leads to bloodshed.

Blow on a spark to make it glow, or spit on it to put it out.
Both results come from the one mouth.

–Ecclesiasticus 28:8-12

8:12 PM Now he’s giving a speech. Somebody is crying in the audience. His speech is about how nice everyone on the show is. Good speech. Sincere. I am completely bored out of my mind. LIVEBLOGGING ENDS NOW.

8:11 PM Here comes “Mad Man” Jon Hamm and “Golden Girl” Betty White to present an award. Betty White is actively breaking my heart with her incessant sexual jokes. They’re presenting an award for “Best Actor on a Comedy.” Goddamn I haven’t seen a single one of these shows, ever. WINNER: Eric Stonespeak(?) from “Modern Family.”

8:10 PM Verdict: I need to watch more television so I understand its reality.

8:08 PM They’re gonna do a comedy retrospective about all the great comedy we saw on our TVs this year. Two fat schlubs accidentally touched their butts together; that got big laughs. Also, pratfalls and silly voices are making an appearance.

8:07 PM Jimmy Fallon is doing the Demetri Martin thing where you tell jokes and strum a guitar.

8:06 PM Now the Emmys are starting. The song is over. My verdict: I love Joe McHale(?), he’s totally cute. I also love the real Bruce Springsteen. Jimmy Fallon is hosting the awards. In case you didn’t know, Fallon got his start at Bananas Comedy Club on Route 9 in Poughkeepsie at the Best Western hotel, which I have been to.

8:02:30 PM Already bored at the Emmys!!! Time for my first break … see you when the awards actually start.

8:02 PM Okay, Betty White. Maybe it’s time to act dignified.

8:01 PM Okay, this is some kind of pre-taped comedy video short. I can’t liveblog this because I don’t know who all these people are.

8:00 PM The American Academy of Television Awards begins now!

Okay, tomorrow night I will liveblog the American Television Awards, aka the Emmys. I will start whenever the show starts — unless I get inspired and decide to liveblog the red carpet entrances. (You know I love my favorite brands!!!)