Guys, I think I’m finally ready to make my movie recommendation of the day.

It’s a film from 1972. Directed by George McCowan.

The film … is called “Frogs.”

This film is working on about eleven different levels right now. Look at that shirt!!! It’s one of those special 1970s shirts that doesn’t button all the way up.

FROGS

Another shot of a big frog. My dad: “Let’s get on with it.” LOL, he’s totally ready for some frogs to start MURDERING some rich eco-polluters.

They keep featuring these shots of frogs, soooo big and fat, just watching these rich assholes running rampant over the ecosystem.

I think my mom’s right: I think those frogs are about to GET BUCK.

Now I understand why my dad is into this movie. My parents are really concerned about the environment. They belong to Sierra Club, Wildlife Rescue Fun, Tree-Growers Anonymous, all that stuff.

And so: FROGS.

I keep asking my dad, “What is going on? How do you know about this movie? What’s happening? FROGS?”

My dad’s like, “I saw it on TV one night. It’s why my hair turned white.”

My parents are eating my mom’s homemade peach pie; they can’t take their eyes off of FROGS.

Goddamn, this movie features some fat-ass frogs.

My mom: “The frogs are gonna get after those rich people for taking their land.” MOM FTW.

I’m pretty sad right now!

Anyone who knows my parents is screaming with joy right now. FROGS.

… but I am now watching “FROGS” with my parents.

My DAD rented this on Netflick. Guys, who are my parents? WHO ARE THEY? You don’t understand — they are die-hard Episcopalians who listen to nothing but classical music. They drink a glass of sherry before dinner. My Dad owns like 400 books about architecture and another 1,000 books about British landscape watercolors (“the best kind of art”).

And here we are watching FROGS. Game on, I might just have to liveblog this … we’ll see …

My mom just returned from doing Altar Guild at the church.

MOM: “I have all sorts of juicy gossip.”
DAD: “What? Goosey gopple?”
ME: LOL
MOM: “Put your hearing aid in.”

When should I tell my parents that I’m moving back in with them??? We’re gonna get a TV deal, I just know it. “Goosey Gopple.” Japanese noise-core band-name-generate much?

My dad refers to Netflix as “Netflick.” I think it’s because they have the one-at-a-time deal?

8:59 PM My mom says that’s the last show of the season. Could this be true??? In any event, it’s time to eat dinner. See you next time, and thanks to everyone who wrote re: LA Times thing. I will reply to emails tomorrow. “Minute to Win It 4 Life”

8:58 PM Fieri really playing up the magnitude of their decision whether to take the money or keep playing. Audience says? They should take the money and run. The contestants will “take the cash and make the dash.” Scott and Emily made $125,000 tonight. Big ups to Office Max for their support.

8:57 PM This is fun.

8:56 PM Here comes the big pencil-grabbing challenge. This? Looks fun. If I didn’t have respect for #2s, I might try this. But pencils aren’t toys. They’re tools. HE DID IT!!! He grabbed all the pencils for $125,000!!! Maybe I’m in the wrong line of pencil-related work. MOM: “Maybe he’ll send you all those pencils to be sharpened.”

8:55 PM Here comes a mini-doc about Scott and Emily, our contestants. Where’s the shot of the Charlotte skyline? RIP-OFF! Only interior shots of an office, could be anywhere. Could be FAKE.

8:54 PM I love how Fieri is reduced to trying to analyze the speed and angle of the quarters. When I’m hosting MTWI, I’ll just lie down on a cot and close my eyes during Million Dollar Mission.

8:53 PM Here she goes, tossing quarters into the jug. Good luck, lady. I think Fieri has a new pinkie ring tonight, can anybody confirm or deny?

8:52 PM My mom already senses this challenge is total B.S. She just dropped the fattest “Oh my goodness” of the year.

8:51 PM Great, my favorite part of the show: Million Dollar Mission! Good luck flicking a coin into a water bottle. Please, it’s easier for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

8:47 PM Now my parents are discussing whether MTWI is more exciting than a Carolina bball game.

8:45 PM Once again, I completely mis-called it: Scott successfully dropped a CD on a plastic cup without having it bounce off! They won $50,000 … and they have no intention of stopping! Next challenge: PENCIL BACK-FLIP CHALLENGE. “Universe collapsing into singularity, all that’s left is for Mike Watt to pop out and play a bass solo and I can die a happy man.”

8:44 PM Waitaminnit, waitaminnit, how can you DROP a CD on a cup and have it not bounce off? I smell a rat! This must be a carny-style challenge. They’re not winning this one, not with all the minutes in the universe.

8:43 PM Whoa, was that Guy Fieri’s murmur-voice? I liked that. I bet that’s how he talks when he must admit to something very shameful.

8:42 PM Dad, re: America’s Got Talent promo: “Hot dog, what a great night for TV.” Dad, I couldn’t agree more– AND I’M A BLOGGER.

8:41 PM A little self-conscious b/c my Mom is reading over my shoulder. Good thing I’m not blogging about my cocaine-party lifestyle right now … BIG SMILE from Mom re: that joke! FTW

8:40 PM This beer tastes so good, I want to eat the bottle. Flying can be a drag. “Just another amazing insight from the mind of your blogger.”

8:39 PM That “Eat, Pray, and/or Love” ad just flew by! My mom is seriously ragging on this Claritan ad … goddamn, I bet the Claritan peoples’ ears are BURNING right now … (And no, not because of allergies!)

8:38 PM Blog reader SA just sent me some highlights from the LAT comments section: “another arty version of the balloon dad impulse…” also: “Marx is rolling in his grave …” Could this have worked out any more perfectly? I love the LA Times forever. Why was I offline and stuck in an airport all day???

8:35 PM They’re trying bounce balls on clipboards for $50,000! “And that’s theirs to keep, no matter what.” –Mom. My parents are already loving this show, just like me. Time for a friend-of-the-contestant shout-out. All their friends from North Cackylacky. I don’t recognize them, though. Were they hanging at Local 506 back in the late 90’s? I DOUBT IT.

8:28 PM Now we’re looking for my Mom’s stmp server. We’re confused.

8:26 PM Here they go! Oh, wait, now we gotta learn about Scott and Ursula(?)’s office romance? Dad: “How long does this go on?” Me: “An hour.” Dad: “Oh my gosh.”

8:25 PM Next challenge: “Office Fling.” Rubber bands and office chair make a slingshot of terror. Guys watching at home, can we agree that is a REALLY shiny red desk?

8:24 PM He’s bouncing pencils into glasses like a madman. He nailed it for five grand. Man, those pencil points must be all banged up … hmm, wonder if there’s a way to get them looking ship-shape again … (WINKY-SMILEY EMOTICON GOES HERE)

8:22 PM Pencil-related challenge, my world is collapsing … MOM: “This is perfect for you, dear.” Guy Fieri: “This is a doozie.” I’m SO hosting this show someday.

8:18 PM Commercial break! Time to ask my Mom what ISP she uses so I can send some emails to people. NEWSBREAK: It’s Time-Warner.

8:16 PM I think Fieri re-bleached his hair for this episode. Now he’s talking about the famous TV show called “The Humorous Office,” starring Steve Carrell and a bunch of other people. And now we’re hearing about how these contestants are like a real-life Jim and Patty(?) or whoever the cuties on the Office are … now they’re playing for FIVE GRAND …

8:15 PM Scott did it!!! 3 balls in 3 binder clips! My mom clapped. I woulda clapped too, but I’m busy liveblogging over here! (Ratso Rizzo voice FTW)

8:14 PM Now Scott will try to roll the ping-pong balls into the binder clips. North Carolina, represent! Come on, dude! Where’s that Tar Heel spirit? Where’s that Charlotte Hornets teal-pinstripe spirit? JR REID…

8:13 PM BRUTAL slo-mo replay on the binder-clip travesty. That hurt.

8:12 PM Whoa, this woman is a genius at dripping ping-pong balls down an incline into binder clips … although, wait — she’s knocking the balls OUT OF THE BINDER CLIPS NOW … “From genius to fool, the worm turns for the best of us.” Mad groans coming from the “parent-peanut gallery.” LEVEL 2 FAILED …

8:11 PM I’ve been trapped in airports all day so I’m just catching up on emails and all the wonderful and diverse comments in the LAT article. OMG making me sooo happy.

8:10 PM Office version of pinball! Using binder clips and ping-pong balls! I think MTWI is single-handedly keeping the ping-pong ball business in business.

8:09 PM Breaking news from the Rees household: We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night. GET PSYCHED. We’re eating in Carrboro. Dad: “Whenever I go out to eat, I gotta be within spitting distance of the Cat’s Cradle, because I loved Archers of Loaf.” (Joke, he did not say this.)

8:07 PM Dad: “I think I’d make a great contestant.” This is basically the most false statement ever uttered by a retired art librarian.

8:05 PM He’s gotta knock over reams of copy paper using a ball. This is truly an office-supply game for cavemen. He just made $1,000! “Yours to keep no matter what.”

8:03 PM “What do you think of this host, mom?” Mom: “I love him. He looks like a chef.” Mom FTW.

8:02 PM Office supplies are tonight’s tools for MITWI. These contestants are from Charlotte, NC’s banking metropolis, and I am liveblogging from Chapel Hill, NC’s indie-rock metropolis! My dad is already freaking out — “How much money do they win?” Me: “Up to a million dollars.” Big ol’ snort coming from Dad!!!

8:01 PM Minute to Win It special office-game edition! Total chaos, total energy! And there’s ol’ Guy Fieri! My foe. Thinks he’s great b/c he had a NYTimes article about him today. Well guess what, Guy? I was up in the LA Times today!!! Mate? Checkmate? Game on? “Tha Mystery of Chessboxing.”

8:00 PM Nothing can keep me from Minute To Win It! And tonight we have guest commentators: My mom and dad! This is it … the ultimate in liveblogging!

This is happening! I just arrived in North Carolina and I’m IN IT TO WIN IT!