I only hope Newt Gingrich realizes that when he builds his high-falutin’ American colony on the moon, these dudes will be waiting to greet him:

“Greetings Lord Gingrich — we have slumbered on this lunar landscape for 10,000 years; now we welcome you with our version of humanoid Miley Cyrus’s immortal Party In The USA!”

And Gingrich is like, “Oh no, are you Chinese people? I wanted to colonize the moon before the Chinese astronauts got here!”

And these guys are like, “No, we are obviously indigenous Moon Soldiers; can’t you see our uniforms?”

And Gingrich is all, “Oh, right. Well, do you guys at least believe in the socialist-secular tyranny that threatens the very foundation of American greatness?”

And they’re like, “Dude, we’re literally playing Party In The USA on xylophones ‘n’ marimbas ‘n’ whatnot ON THE MOON, what more do you want from us?”

Boom! Newt Gingrich just got serrrrrrved, moon-marimba style.

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