Years come and go, as surely as ever. But whether it’s 2016 or 2017, one thing is sure: Papers are at risk of blowing away. And this is why — no the matter the year — we must use paperweights. And if we’re being honest, using paperweights is akin to celebrating paperweights. And since celebration is what my lists are all about, is it any wonder that the time has come to make a list of the top ten turtle paperweights? (I’m assuming we all agree that when it comes to paperweights, there is simply nothing better than a paperweight that looks like a turtle, whether by accident or by design.)

And so we raise our glasses high, yell a grand “huzzah,” secure our papers from blowing away, and celebrate the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2017:

10. Mediocre turtle paperweights

9. Paperweights that really look like turtles

8. Heavy brass turtle paperweights

7. (TIE) The latest turtle paperweights / Professional-grade turtle paperweights

6. Turtle paperweights that amuse and delight

5. When you can’t get enough turtle paperweights

4. Turtle paperweights that educate and inspire

3. Will a major award be won by a turtle paperweight someday?

2. “Daaaamn son, that’s a terrific turtle paperweight!”

1. Championship turtle paperweights that win 1,000 gold medals every five seconds because they’re perfect