Well, we started the day with somebody using a cell phone to play “Replay,” and then we just saw a young man play “Replay” using pencils, so I guess it’s okay if we cut all our arts-education funding, because if people can’t afford to learn instruments, they can always just pick up some household junk and go “plink-plonk-plink” along to a pop song, right? “Are you there, Ayn? It’s me, Newt Gingrich.” (Give it up for the CPAC conference, I think it’s still going strong today.)

Honestly at this point I don’t even know what I’m typing about. I’m really tired and — guess what? — I have a certain song stuck in my head AS IF IT’S ON REPLAY.

Let’s get this over with: Just pick some random song and say it’s the winner and go lie down for a minute. What is he singing about, “She’s the gun to my holster?” That doesn’t make physiological sense and it just barely makes metaphorical sense. And you know if something doesn’t make metaphorical sense, you’re in some dicey water!

OH MAN I FEEL WEIRD. IT’S TOO MUCH REPLAAAAAAAY

Here’s our winning video! REPLAY IS THE BEST SONG EVER

I know, it’s just some guy beatboxing to the world’s most insidious song. I don’t care — he wins this week. After all, I’m grading on a curve: THE CURVE OF MY MADNESS

Friday Face-Offs! Whew, this edition edged closed to the danger zone. Next time I will pick a song that I can stand to listen to more than five times.

!!!! OKAY WAIT LAST-MINUTE ADDITION:

This guy wins; I’m stripping the beatboxer’s title. Executive decision. I don’t care how old I get, I will never understand scratching. How do they do it? I’m not even doing an Andy Rooney joke, I am honestly befuddled. Once I saw the X-Ecutioners (famous scratchers) play a show and I couldn’t even keep up with what was happening. All I know is, if I could scratch records like this, it would be all I would ever do. Maybe I’ll sign up for an adult eduction class about scratching.

I think Iyaz implanted a bag of sand behind my left ear.

FRIDAY FACE-OFFS!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend.