As this year (2014) draws to a close, so to must our lists. This is the final list of the year … and the best list of the year.

Ladies and gentlemen, the list you’ve been waiting for: THE TOP TEN CARS AND TRUCKS OF 2014!

10. Blue cars

9. Dumptrucks

8. Big trucks

7. Noisy cars

6. (TIE) Aerodynamic cars / Aerodynamic trucks

5. Trucks for sale

4. “Honk honk”

3. Cars for the whole family

2. Brand-new trucks

1. Station wagons

Thanks for reading my lists! Have fun, stay safe, and I’ll see you next year on my web site!

Ever hear the expression “some thing is better than no thing?” Well, 2014 was the year that showed it to be true. There were more things in 2014 than in any previous year, and here’s how to prove it: Try to remember every thing you saw, heard, tasted, experienced, or interacted with in 2014. Can’t do it, can you? “Too many things,” you say? That’s because 2014 set a new record for the amount of things in one year, and that’s why 2014 will forever be known as a “Classic Year For Things” (CYFT).

What are things? They are the stuff of life! They make up the universe and all our perceptions. Some things are very small (molecules) while others are bigger than you can imagine (the tallest skyscrapers). But when all those things come together … well, friends, that’s when we get something called a TOTAL THING PARTY. That’s what life is.

So take a moment to celebrate things … and enjoy this list!

Here are the TOP TEN THINGS OF 2014:

10. Amazing things

9. Cool things

8. Physical things

7. Abstract things

6. Happy things

5. Thing-a-majigs

4. The latest things

3. Impossible things

2. Really great things

1. SPAGHETTI

Books, books, books! These old warhorses of the entertainment industry showed no signs of slowing down in 2014. The publishing industry has never been stronger, and this was the year that proved it: From best-selling thrillers to romantic adventures, every day brought a new book into our lives … and truly made 2014 “one for the books.”

Think about it: What is a book? Nobody really knows. But we know what we like — and what we like is BOOKS.

Here are the TOP TEN BOOKS OF 2014:

10. Classic books

9. New books

8. Pretty good books

7. Illustrated books

6. Second-hand books

5. Paperback books

4. E-books

3. “Check out the best-seller list, all the best books are on it”

2. Wonderful books

1. Damn fine books … really, just the best books

Whether chatting with our co-workers or making small talk at a party, in 2014 it seemed one thing was always on our lips: TOPICS. Topics are the building blocks of any good conversation — they keep the chit-chat moving forward while reminding us of what we’re talking about.

And 2014 offered an abundance of topics. Think about it: What happened in 2014? Answer: More than 1,000 topics. From the weather to the latest news, 2014 kept throwing out topic after topic after topic … sometimes it seemed like there were too many topics! But that’s what made this year so topical: Its one-of-a-kind things to talk about.

Here are the TOP TEN TOPICS OF 2014:

10. The latest topics

9. “Didja hear about the topic?” “I did, let’s discuss it together”

8. “I’d like to remind you of some key topics”

7. (TIE) Funny topics / International topics

6. The news

5. Sports

4. Riveting topics

3. Classic topics

2. Some of the best topics of 2014

1. Holla at ya boy for the topics

 

 

 

If you don’t know what a land blub is, you haven’t been paying attention. Land blubs were simply one of the hottest trends of 2014. They are reviews of land, usually attributed to famous authors, that are used to promote that land to prospective buyers and/or visitors. But the reviews have had all the “R”s removed from them, which is why they are called “land blubs” and not “land blurbs.”

Here are the TOP TEN LAND BLUBS OF 2014:

10. “This was a wondeful piece of land” –Saul Bellow

9. “Pobably my favoite land I saw in a long time” –Karl Ove Knausgaard

8. “How could I say no to the chams of this wondous land?” –Joyce Carol Oates

7. “Gotta say, I’d live on this land in a heatbeat” –Lena Dunham

6. “This land will make you laugh, will make you sigh, will make you beak down and shed authentic human teas!” –Jonathan Franzen

5. “How lucky I was, to visit this pefect land. I can’t wait to do so again, I think about it twenty-fou/seven” –Miranda July

4. “The whole time I was on this land, I asked myself: Am I deaming? This must be a deam. But the tuth was, I eally was on this land — and it made me vey vey gateful” –Oprah Winfrey

3. “I couldn’t put down this land. It’s tuly exceptional. Please, please, spend time on this teific land … you will be changed, pehaps foeve” –Maureen Dowd

2. “And the awad fo Best Land goes to … this land, ight hee! Hooay fo this land! Hip, hip hooay! Tee-hee, I’m a bad boy” –James Franco

1. The best land blubs

If there’s one area in which 2014 saw incredible advances we couldn’t have imagined, it’s the area of PALINDROMES. Palindromes are the unsung heroes of the English language, tickling our funnybones while expanding our minds — and giving us lots to think about — while reminding us that simple pleasures are wonderful, even though palindromes are hardly simple … but then again, what is? (Answer? Palindromes.)

Consider the following: English is the only language that has palindromes, because English is the only language that can be read forwards and backwards, which is what palindromes do best! That’s why 2014 was a key development for palindromes. And if that doesn’t make you proud to be English, I don’t know what will.

So put on your reading glasses and check out the TOP TEN PALINDROMES OF 2014:

10. Is it a zit?

9. CIA man, a maniac

8. On CNN, Wolf Blitzer’s z-bile flow: “No, c’mon!”

7. Prez Putin, USSR dude, R U srs? Tiny penis, up!

6. True Detective smash hit — but Sy’s tub, ’tis ham. (Defective, in a rut)

5. Kardashian’s enormous derriere, a morose riddle, elides some-a Derrida’s sermons: “I has dark shark”

4. Meme: Me, me, me!

3. Ed Snowden scoops spooks, wow: Ed’s won

2. T-Swift’s “1989” LP sells 9,891 LP’s swiftly

1. Rand Paul? “Zebras are a breeze” –Rand Paul

(Feel free to give this list a standing ovation, as it is obviously one of the greatest things ever to appear on the internet.)

Let’s not mince words: 2014 was an incredible year for turtle paperweights. Whether holding down envelopes, unsorted files, or correspondence, this was the year turtle paperweights stepped up their game and truly shined.

But what are turtle paperweights, exactly? The answer is simple: They are paperweights designed to look like turtles — or turtle-shaped objects heavy enough to secure papers under their weight. In the end, it doesn’t matter how you slice it, as long as that turtle paperweight is doing its job. And “doing its job” is the turtle paperweight’s middle name. Is it any wonder that retailers consistently rank “turtle” as one of the top paperweight designs? It’s the classic that keeps on giving. Just like the fable says: “Slow and steady wins the race.”

So let’s take a moment to celebrate the best of the best in this category-killing family of paperweights. Here are the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2014:

10. Inquisitive Hefty Turtle Paperweight

9. Locally Sourced Turtle Paperweight

8. Precious Turtle Paperweight

7. Oversized Turtle Paperweight (Blue)

6. Polka-Dot Turtle Paperweight With Real Polka Dots

5. “Hennnrrrryyy!!! Did you remember to put the papers under the paperweight???” “Which one?” “The turtle-shaped one — the BEST one!” “Yes, dear.”

4. Customized Brass Turtle Paperweight

3. Inspirational Turtle Paperweight

2. Hand-Painted Turtle Paperweight

1. “Ya Gotta Be Kidding Me” Best Turtle Paperweight

If you spent any time on social media in 2014, chances are you encountered “clickbait.” What is clickbait? Clickbait are stories, lists, charts, and videos that bring us pleasure while improving our understanding of the world.

Not only is clickbait one of the fastest-growing forms of new media, it is crucial to the economic future of the internet — and the economy.

Think about it: The more clicks you click, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more money you get. The more money you get, the richer you are. It all adds up to a booming economy, and that’s why clickbait mattered in 2014, and why it’s here to stay.

Let’s celebrate the best of what the internet had to offer in 2014. Here are the TOP TEN CLICKBAITS OF 2014:

10. You won’t believe what happens next on this clickbait

9. You’ve gotta see this clickbait

8. Top ten reasons this clickbait is great (#3 had me in tears)

7. Clickbait only vegetarians will understand

6. (TIE) Tell your friends about this clickbait / Watch the first 30 seconds of this clickbait

5. The funniest clickbait I’ve seen all day

4. A father’s special clickbait to his kids will make you cry

3. This clickbait proves life is wonderful

2. New clickbait

1. This. Clickbait. Is. Amazing.

(Read this in a knock-knock joke voice)

“Beep, beep!”

“Who’s there?”

“Technology.”

“Technology who?”

“Technology that changed your life in 2014!”

As we move closer and closer to the future, technology keeps leading the way. Radical shifts in the nature and purpose of technology have led to countless changes in the way we live our lives — and the lives we live. This is due to the power of new technology, and 2014 was a showcase of that power, and that’s why the Technology Hall of Fame has called 2014 “one of the best years ever for technology,” because of the reasons outlined above, including (but not limited to) technology.

In 2014, if you weren’t tech-savvy, you weren’t in the game. Think about it: What turns your bread into toast? TECHNOLOGY. How do cars drive around with no people in them? TECHNOLOGY. How does the government keep us safe from terror? TECHNOLOGY. How are you reading these words? TECHNOLOGY. And that’s why technology ruled in 2014.

No doubt the new year (2015) will surprise us with even more advanced technology, but let’s take a moment to celebrate the technology that dazzled us in 2014, the most recent year for technology.

Here are the TOP TEN TECHNOLOGIES OF 2014:

10. Medical technology

9. Business technology

8. Hand-held technology

7. E-technology

6. Customized technology

5. Networked technology

4. “Look at all the technology!” (Said into voice-recognition software that automatically cross-posts to Facebook and Instagram)

3. Dazzling technology

2. Cutting-edge technology

1. The best technology of 2014

These days it seems you can’t get dressed without fashion. Fashion (the art of looking good on a budget) can turn a ho-hum day into a red-carpet event at the hottest club — if you know what you’re doing. And 2014 was no different.

From the latest pop star wearing pants made out of lasagna, to the esteemed French designer who wowed us with his stylish dresses, this was the year when fashion truly showed us what it means to be beautiful. We saw clothes that took our breath away … fabrics that made us swoon … shoes that made us go crazy with their sophistication. We must all agree: FASHION WAS KING IN 2014.

And if you disagree? Well, I hope you like wearing the latest potato sack from Sam’s Club. That’s all I have to say about that.

So put on your favorite brands, slip into something sexy, wash your face — and tell the paparazzi we’re on our way, because here are the TOP TEN FASHIONS OF 2014.

10. Shoes

9. Dresses

8. Neckties

7. (TIE) Ethnic fashions / Fur coats

6. Women’s fashions

5. Knock knock / Who’s there / The hottest fashions

4. The best-dressed Hollywood stars in their fashions

3. Men’s fashions

2. Individual fashions just for you

1. Wonderful fashions