LOL, just got an email with Dean Smith’s endorsement of Barack Obama. LOL, please pull this off, N.C.

LOL, wait — who’s Coach K endorsing? Gotta know that before I make up my mind!!! LOL, LOL, make sure all your flops are in order, Coach K! Gotta get those flops looking just right. So nice and floppy for John McCain!!!

Lawrence, KS is one of the best towns in the whole country! If you’re a friend of mine, you probably remember when I sent you a visitor’s package from the Lawrence Chamber of Commerce to try to convince you to move to Lawrence. Remember when I was all like, “Dude, we’re all moving to Lawrence, it’s so great, forget about NYC, let’s pull up stakes and move to Lawrence and buy old-timey houses and just sit around all day playing Scrabble, we can hang out with this one guy I met when I read at Lawrence, he can show us where to buy food.” Anyway, THANKS FOR NOT MOVING TO LAWRENCE, “FRIENDS!” Now I’m still stuck here in NY, one of the worst states to ever exist. (Just kidding, gotta show love for the Empire State.)

Anyway, because I only grant interviews to the hottest publications in the hottest towns, here’s an interview with one of the best publications in the country! LAWRENCE.COM!

The interview is about my jammin’ new book, did you ever see a picture?

Some freak reader of my blog writes in to CRITICIZE SOMETHING ABOUT MY BLOG?!?!?!?

Dude please bail on the habit of referring to Talking Points Memo as “TPM” w/o a link, as if we’re all hip to nerd political junkie websites. Most of my friends (and I bet yours too, excluding [REDACTED] etc.) don’t know what TPM is (I have to tell them), and they’re people who’d go to your site. . . . No inside baseball, especially w/o links.

WTF, LOL, are you kidding me?!? This guy is gonna second-guess my usage of TPM as shorthand for talkingpointsmemo.com?!?

Here’s what I wrote back to this NUT:

ONLY INSIDE BASEBALL. MY BLOG IS FOR THE POLITICAL/MEDIA ELITE. I’M TRYING TO WEED OUT THE LOSERS, THE IGNORANT! HOW ELSE WILL I BE ABLE TO CHARGE PREMIUM AD DOLLARS?!?!?

Bottom line, if you don’t know what “TPM” is, GET OFF MY BLOG!!! We’re trying to appeal to the most exclusive, most sophisticated blog-reading-always-hitting-“refresh”-ers. I don’t have TIME to explain every little thing to people. I’m operating on a very advanced level . . . a level most people can’t even imagine . . . I’m developing nicknames for political blogs that you couldn’t even comprehend . . .

(By the way, that piece of reader mail was from an OLD FRIEND / PERMANENT NEMESIS. If you send reader mail, I shan’t reply in such an obnoxious fashion.)

Thanks to everyone who came to the reading at WORD on Friday. I think we took it to an intimate, emotional place that blew everyone’s mind (including my own). Remember when people were asking me questions, and I was trying so hard to answer them, and everyone was having so much fun and nodding their heads and looking at each other like, “This guy is the greatest thing since sliced awesome?”

That was the best part!

More events are coming up!

Best quote of the weekend! From Bill Scher of LiberalOasis:

I don’t believe there is “secret racism” in this election. I don’t think there is “secret racism” not being picked up by the polling. There is loud and proud racism. But it is in a hateful corner of the country. And quite frankly, I love it to see it. Your hate, people, is my food. Please — give me more. I don’t care if the price of orange juice is going up; I can drink on your hate. I look forward to the day when Barack Obama is president, so I can watch your heads explode.

LOL, listen to the rest here.

If you’re the hottest new blogger on the scene, with the hottest new book out that everybody’s buying fifty copies of, you vote by absentee ballot because you don’t know where you’ll be on Election Day. You might be giving a prestigious lecture at some Ivy League college . . . you might be on an island with Jay-Z and Bill Gates, schooling them on how to blog . . . you just don’t know.

So you vote ahead of time.

Which I did this morning.

Just to confirm: The Illinois senator’s name is on the ballot. This is totally happening.

(By the way, most anticlimactic moment of my life? YES. But if we’ve learned one thing this year, it’s that you win the game by keeping your head down and executing your strategy. Save the butterflies for the after-party.)

Remember everyone, tonight is one of the LAST Brooklyn GYWO events! The entire War on Terror in 30 minutes, told entirely through cartoons! Can it be done? Tonight we find out.

WORD Bookstore
126 Franklin St.
Greenpoint, Brooklyn
7:00 PM (I think maybe it actually starts at 7:30)

My wife mentioned JMM’s comment below while we were in the midst of a Deadwood marathon last night.

Needless to say it brought “TV time” to a DEAD HALT. I was like, “He wrote what? Why didn’t I see that? I was rocking TPM all day!”

She was like, “He wrote it.”

After the election, in the interests of national reconciliation, I imagine Obama and Biden may allow McCain to make special non-custodial visits to his testicles.

I have NEVER been more tempted to call a new Golden Age! Are you kidding me, I was right on the edge of announcing “FIFTH GOLDEN AGE!” but I held back . . . superhuman self-control . . .

One month left.

MAYBE YOUR GUY IS UP IN THE POLLS and the other guy is looking a little raggedy. So maybe you feel a little less motivated to knock on doors, or phone-bank, or talk to strangers — all of which are, admittedly, the worst, most pain-in-the-ass things in the world.

However, in these final days of the campaign, we must heed the wisdom of our forefathers.

What shall our job be during the next few weeks, O forefathers? What is it you want us to do? Tell us, O forefathers . . .

(If you’re like, ‘I get it, I don’t need to watch the video, I remember this song’ . . . umm, no, actually you need to watch this video. Just watch. Watch this video. Because, are you kidding me? LOL is all you can say to this video. NOW GET PUMPED AND GET READY TO HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS. You need to be knocking on doors like John Bonham.)

ONE MONTH LEFT.

BRING IT ON HOME.

That’s the impression I’m starting to get. I can’t keep up with all the gold being panned over yonder at TPM creek. I’m trying to assay the claim but there are so many gold nuggets I keep getting blinded. (Tee-hee, now I know how Rich Lowry feels when that weird lady from Alaska starts talking.)