A note from reader MR:

I firmly believe the bailout plan failed because so many of your readers (such as myself) called Nancy Pelosi and demanded that it be limited to one million dollars. I actually said “I demand” at least six times during my recorded message to her. . . . Clearly, this is a huge triumph for your new blog that is already the most powerful blog in the interweb. KUDOS.

(My emphasis.) With great power comes great responsibility. Let us all pray I use it well.

You’re scared. The markets are falling. The interest rates are stagflating. The overnight currency exchanges are procluding.

What will tomorrow bring? And who will survive to witness it?

In the midst of this chaos, you need a calm voice, a steady hand, and a hot blog. I can provide all three. I will never let you down. MY PLEDGE: If you stick with me, you will never not understand what is happening to your money.

For instance, what is happening to your money right now is that it is getting completely hosed by the amoral corporate overlords who are going to feast on your blood and your children’s blood.

(And yes, your children are going to be all hungry and raddedy like those kids from Great Depression photos. You’re going to teach them to walk around in their grimy overalls and play the banjo and sing the old ballad “I Am Malnourished (Banjo Remix)” for spare change. It’s all part of the dynamic, destructive creativity of capitalism.)

Okay, I did a little digging about this thing going on with the banks. Basically, the Finance Committee went into recess at the precise moment the Dow was in stagflation. That meant Republicans were free to vote “NO” on the opposition plan to the contingency regulations. That forced the Democrats’ hand: Would they overrule a Supreme Court decision that hadn’t been approved by the legislature of either committee chairmen? Now we know: No. So the bailout goes back to the state budget directors and the AIG board, where it will surely be redlined for earmarks and resubmitted on the NASDAQ floor by tomorrow’s closing bell.

Basically, what this means is, leave your money where it is and maybe start cultivating a taste for dog food.

Something’s happening with the economy. I’ll do a little digging and pass along information as it becomes available to me.

Doesn’t seem very complicated; I should have a full explanation in an hour or two.

Once you know what to look for, you see dinosaur references everywhere in the Bible.

This is from Proverbs 26:1-5 . . .

Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, so honour is not fitting for a fool. Like a stegosaurus in its flitting, like a pterodactyl in its flying, an undeserved curse goes nowhere. A whip for the horse, a bridle for the diplodocus, and a rod for the back of fools. And yes, that includes people who don’t think we’re knee-deep in dinosaurs back here in Bible times. Do not answer fools according to their folly, or you will be a fool yourself. Answer fools according to their folly, or they will be wise in their own eyes. Yesterday I saw Abraham throwing rocks at a brontosaurus.

This is from Exodus 4:18-20 . . .

Moses went back to his father-in-law Jethro and said to him, ‘Please let me go back to my kindred in Egypt and see whether they are still living.’ And Jethro said to Moses, ‘Go in peace.’ The Lord said to Moses in Midian, ‘Go back to Egypt; for all those who were seeking your life are dead.’ So Moses took his wife and his sons, put them on a brontosaurus, and went back to the land of Egypt; and Moses carried the staff of God in his hand. And also, there were dinosaurs everywhere.

Learn your dinosaurs.

Sarah Palin contends that dinosaurs lived about 6,000 years ago. My own research has convinced me that they actually lived 8,000 years ago, but that’s the type of quantitative disagreement that is to be expected in the scientific community. At some point, we’ll have the definitive answer . . . maybe after we build a large hadron collider of prayer and smash prayers into each other at ten times the speed of light in order to learn the secrets of the universe.

In any event, whether they lived 6,000 years ago or 8,000 years ago, it’s important to know your dinosaurs. After all, they could be raptured just as easily as humans, and you wouldn’t want to be up in Heaven hanging out with some fellow Christians and then have a triceratops waddle over and be all like, “Hey guys, what’s going on?” and you and your friends are all like, “Umm . . . nice horns . . . LOL, didn’t expect to see Jews up here!” and then the triceratops is like, “LOL, I’m a triceratops, a famous kind of dinosaur; didn’t you learn your dinosaurs?” and then you’ll feel sad like, “Boo-hoo, why didn’t I learn my dinosaurs back on earth?”

TIME TO LEARN YOUR DINOSAURS. HERE ARE SOME DINOSAUR FACTS:

Dinosaurs are incredibly, incredibly freaky-looking. Dinosaurs are uglier than regular animals. God designed the regular animals; Satan designed the dinosaurs. In fact, “Dinosaur” is Latin for “Satan designed this ugly sonuvabitch.” Dinosaurs had slimy skin. Dinosaurs had little beady eyes (that’s how we know they were dumb). A dinosaur’s diet consisted mainly of plants and cavemen.

More dinosaurs facts soon!

(You can buy a replica of the fossil pictured above here.)

I thought the debate was a draw. Pundits thought McCain won narrowly. The public seems to think Obama won. WHERE DOES THE TRUTH LIE?

Obama scored an extremely clear win on Friday night. But the pundits scored the debate for McCain. That would be fine if the pundits were there to score the substance of the debate, and they believed that McCain made better, and more factually accurate, points. But that’s not their professed job (sadly). Rather, they score the political implications of the debate. And their early reviews — mildly, but mostly unanimously, for McCain — were precisely opposite the public’s impressions. That seems like a problem.

Pundits are paid to talk authoritatively about stuff. This doesn’t mean they are authorities on the subjects under discussion; it means only that they have to be able to talk as if they were authorities on the subjects under discussion. Why? Because Americans would start crying and screaming if they turned on their TV to find a bunch of stammering, pimply people who requested a few minutes of reflection before announcing the winner of a 90-minute, live presidential debate that had concluded two minutes before the cameras turned to them.

Pundits are paid to act pundit-y. If pundits had any responsibility other than acting like pundits, they would have all been fired as soon the Iraq war turned into a colossal goat-fuck.

Now, let’s get ready to learn about . . . DINOSAURS!

“Dinosaur” means “Terrible lizard monster”(?) I think.

Soon after Sarah Palin was elected mayor of the foothill town of Wasilla, Alaska, she startled a local music teacher by insisting in casual conversation that men and dinosaurs coexisted on an Earth created 6,000 years ago — about 65 million years after scientists say most dinosaurs became extinct — the teacher said.

That’s my kind of casual conversation! It’s so casual, it might technically be slovenly.