“I’ve eaten moose meat, motherfucker.” Love that.

They offered me an internet red carpet for my blog’s debut. . . I TURNED IT DOWN!!! I don’t need a red carpet! I’ll make my own carpet using my computer! I’ll make YOU a red carpet. Then you can walk down it and try to be my facebook friend. . . but guess what, I’m not on facebook. I’m on my blog!!! Where else would I want to be???

I deployed a sincere, unironic LOL while watching this.

I think he reaches his “tipping point” after trying to stand up and getting yanked back by the microphone cord. Ugh, is there anything
more frustrating than having your range of motion compromised by some electronic cord entanglement?

Iron Man: Best claymation I’ve ever seen. 6 out of 10 stars. But maybe Robert Downey Jr. should dial down the
scenery-chewing setting on the ol’ iron suit.

Speed Racer Preview: I’ve already been in TWO FIGHTS with friends who think this movie looks cool. You gotta be kidding me. Fugeddaboutit. This movie
looks dumber than a doggy diaper. (ZING!) 1 out of 10 stars.

The Brave One: Jodie Foster plays Terry Gross playing Charles Bronson. Oh, boy. This was one of those movies where, as soon as it was over, I went on the
internet to try to understand why people gave it good reviews. Answer: PEOPLE ARE CRAZY. 3 out of 10 stars.

See The Light(?): The Martin Scorcese Rolling Stones concert film!!! YES!!! 10 out of 10 stars! I haven’t seen it (cardiologist said my heart probably couldn’t
handle how rockin’ it is), but I mean, come on: SCORCESE. THE STONES. Together at last, making history and JAMMING LIKE CRAAAZY! This is like Michelangelo making
a documentary about the Mona Lisa. . . we are talking about the masters of the game here. Baby boomers have given us so much. . . could this be their final gift???
“Start me up, you make a grown man cry!”

Young @ Heart: Nice documentary about senior citizens singing crazy rock music. 6 out of 10 stars. “Hey, is that John McCain?” LOL.

MUST ATTRIBUTE. . . HOTTEST NEW GAME FOR THE INTERNET. . . HOTTER THAN “WIZARDS OF WAR-WORLDS”. . . MUST ATTRIBUTE. . .

I was feeling really happy about something so I thought, “I’ll celebrate by entering www.joy.com into my web browser and seeing what
comes up! Maybe it’ll be a great site about how happy I am!”

But guess what is at www.joy.com? Click here to see! (Don’t worry, it’s not inappropriate or gross.)

I gotta say, seeing the content on that site, and associating it with the word “JOY,” brought me more joy than I was even expecting when I was
expecting it to be a site about the emotion of joy!

Pretty good URL/content dysjunction, right? (Is that a word?) This is my new game. I’m going to post fun things like this all the time when I start my blog in
three weeks, or fifty months, or whenever. . .

Hello, gang! I wasn’t going to post anything until the new site is up and running (about three weeks from now), but blog reader BH asked politely, so here goes:

I just got a wonderful email from The Nation (communist magazine) about their upcoming cruise where you go out on a yacht and talk to nerds about
how great everything was in the 1960s. . .

Dear Nation Reader,

Imagine this…

Sunday… dinner with The Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Monday… an intimate acoustic concert with Jackson Browne.

Tuesday… Relaxing on the beach in Curacao next to Jeremy Scahill.

Wednesday Night… at the blackjack table with Victor Navasky.

Thursday… cocktails with Katrina vanden Heuvel.

What’s going on here? Did you die and go to heaven?

Anybody want to go on this boat trip with me? We would have so much fun drinking cocktails with Katrina vanden Von der VervenHeuvel!!!

In fact, it would be so fun, WE WOULD THINK WE HAD DIED.

(And that’s how you update a blog!)

I know people are going crazy missing my regular updates, but I’m busy working on the design for my real blog, which I hope to launch later this spring.

Talk to you later!

PS: MNFTIU Micro-Reviews:

Forbidden Kingdom: 5/10 stars

Who cares if this is the first pairing of Jackie Chan and Jet Li? Karate is karate. It’s just people jumping around in robes. IT ALL LOOKS THE SAME.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: 6/10 stars

Why are people going crazy for this movie? This is the most average movie I have ever seen in my life. The only
surprising thing about it was the ending: The schlubby man-child hero gets the hot girl! That came out of left field . . . LOL . . . never seen that before in a Judd Apatow
movie . . . LOL . . . loved the combination of raunchy toilet humor and a sweet message, that really worked for me . . . are they writing these movies
using an algorithm based on raw data from a man/woman focus group supercomputer?

If you don’t see me today, it’s because I have traveled back through time to watch the debate.

“Smell ya later. . .”

PS: Italy has traveled back through time, too! Yippee!

The pope is coming! I thought I’d go see him and ask him if he could administer the sacrament of time-travel so I can go back to last night and watch that good debate
everyone is so happy with.

(Time-travel is a sacrament, right? Someone told me it was, along with shooting lasers out of your eyes. “If it’s something the X-Men can do, it’s probably a sacrament.”)

I’m not Catholic, so I’m not sure what to expect: Will the pope give me one of those little wafers to eat? Will he travel with me, or am I on my own?

If he comes with me, and we travel too far back in time, will he turn back into a Nazi and try to kill me?

I don’t want to get killed, I just want to watch the debate!!!