Someone wrote in to ask about the whereabouts of the old Joey the Midwife ads for Nissan and Duracell. Seems they disappeared when we redesigned mnftiu.cc.
Here they are, for all of posterity:
THE NISSAN CARS AND TRUCKS AD.
THE CADBURY EGGS PROMOTIONS AD.
Yes, you can forward these to your friends!
I stayed up all night thinking of what a free and strong America means to me in 250 words or less … and dreaming of baseballs signed by Mitt Romney! (Seriously, if anyone else even thinks of entering this contest, there’s gonna be trouble courtesy of Hi & Lois, aka my FISTS.)
Anyway, I’ve started collecting my 250 words for the essay. Here’s what I’ve got so far:
Free (duh!)
Strong (double duh!)
America (figure I’ll need this one)
The (x5) (stockpiling definite articles is smart, according to my writer friend)
Declaration of Independence
Terrorism (x2)
Principles
Bravery
Mitt Romney (x3) (LOL, a little buttering up never hurt anyone, right?)
YOGA (this is my own little twist I’m bringing, this’ll take the judges by surprise and I’ll win the contest!)
Still need a few more words … I’m working on it … I can smell the Romney sky box already …
DEVELOPING … more information about the Mitt Romney essay contest …
The author of the best essay will get to go to Boston with a guest, while the other top-five essays will be featured on the site, and the authors will receive baseballs personally autographed by Mitt himself.
I’m telling everyone now: DON’T BOTHER ENTERING THIS CONTEST. I AM GOING TO WIN ALL THE BASEBALLS.
“What does a free and strong America mean to me in 250 words or less?”
That is the question I’m going to answer. Anyone who tries to answer it before me, you’re going down.
Hi there!
Here’s a video of Mitt Romney talking about his essay contest that I am totally going to win:
Hi there! 250 words or less? Please, I can knock this out in 25 words or less. GAME OVER I WIN.
Hello gang, sorry for the light blogging recently. I’ve been busy with top-secret procrastination secrets “they” don’t want you to know about.
Anyway, for all the writers out there, I was scanning a list of grants and fellowships (Yaddo, Guggenheim Fellowship, McArthur Genius Award, etc.) when I found a new prize that raises the bar on prestige and reward:
Mitt Romney political organization, the Free and Strong America PAC, is offering supporters a new chance to take an expenses-paid trip to Boston and join Mitt himself in his family’s seats at Fenway Park for a Red Sox Game.
Which literary prize would you rather win: a trip to Yaddo, which I think is some farm in Wisconsin where novelists sit around eating turkey sandwiches and watching sunsets and talking about “I can’t finish my novel about the old lady with all the memories,” OR a trip to a freakin’ RED SOX BASEBALL TEAM GAME with Mitt Romney and his family where you hang out in a SKY BOX?
All you have to do is write an essay about “What A Free and Strong America Means to Me.”
Umm … I am totally about to win the shit out of this essay contest.
MORE SOON …
Free yoga advice to all MNFTIU yogis:
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If you don’t have the energy to leave home, and want to try a yoga youtube video, avoid the one made by the people in New Zealand with the crazy music and the steps all out of order, where you only hit Downward Dog once. You need to hit that dog every 30 seconds, that’s what I say! (And also, you need to drink lots of Gatorade and eat lots of Saltine to keep your electrolytes in balance during your practice. I try to eat a box of Saltines every 30 minutes when I’m doing yoga. You should be covered in crumbs by the end.)
I had almost forgotten about Bernard Kerik, one of my great heroes. He’s back in the news.
I wonder if he would be willing to serve as my yogi (exercise teacher)? I think he has much to teach the willing student. I would ask him to help me perfect my warrior pose, for he is truly a warrior. He probably knows secret warrior poses that would blow your mind.
Crazy dream last night … I dreamt I was updating my twitter account with like 10 tweets, writing more and more tweets, without even having time to post them. While I was writing the tweets (on my desktop computer; I don’t think that’s how you actually do it, but…), an avalanche of tweets was coming in from other twitterers. So I had to comment on those tweets, which meant my earlier, unpublished tweets were already fading into irrelevance …
Guys, I can’t get with twitter. I’m a yoga guy now. Breathing, stretching, doing all these crazy animal-positions to clear my mind and give me focus– I think my scary twitter dream was sent by the universal consciousness to warn me about twitter. (Do yoga people believe in the universal consciousness, or did I just make that up? I’ll do some internet research and figure it out.)
Anyway, that was my dream about twitter. AREN’T YOU SO GLAD YOU’RE READING THIS AMAZING BLOG?
I went to Friday night yoga and the teacher mentioned that a famous, influential yoga teacher had just died. She then proceeded to work out her grief on our sweaty, broken bodies. (Seriously, I was hurting BAD. The seam in my boxer briefs ripped TWICE, and it was NOT QUIET.)
So I got home and did some internet research about this famous yogi. His name was Sri K. Pattabhi Jois and he popularized a yoga technique called “Ashtanga”:
Considered one of the most physically demanding of yoga practices, Ashtanga presents six increasingly challenging sequences of poses. A student must show proficiency in one sequence before going on to the next. Only a small number of practitioners have achieved every level.
I can tell you right now, I’m not going within 500 miles of Ashtanga yoga technique.
Jois was 94 years old. SCORE! You can read about him here.
BREAKING … LIVE FROM THE COFFEE SHOP …Â
Thanks to all the MNFTIU Laptop Fundraiser donors, I am now blogging from a coffee shop … a longtime dream fulfilled, due entirely to the generosity of my readers … THANK YOU …
By the way, I went to a new yoga class last night (my fifth class), and the more I learn about yoga, the more I wonder if maybe it wasn’t started in America … lots of foreign-sounding words and phrases last night … maybe Asian(?) or Indian(?) … maybe after a few more classes I’ll work up the courage to ask my teacher, “Hey, where did this crazy exercise system come from, anyway? I thought Abraham Lincoln invented it.”
But for now, I’m having a blast twisting my lower back all out of shape and compressing my spine on this wrinkledy-ass old couch at the coffee shop, using my new laptop! (By the way for everyone who was curious, I bought a refurbished MacBook — or as my mother-in-law pronounces it, a “McBook.”)
Here are the stats:
Model Name: MacBook
Model Identifier: MacBook5,1
Processor Name: Intel Core 2 Duo
Processor Speed: 2.4 GHz
Number Of Processors: 1
Total Number Of Cores: 2
L2 Cache: 3 MB
Memory: 2 GB
Bus Speed: 1.07 GHz
No OS9, alas, but I guess that’s the “new normal.” OS9, your name will forever ring out in my mind.
More blogging next week! I’m gonna blog from the top of a tree if it kills me.