I just got an email that freaked me out because I assumed it was about my laptop fundraiser.

Subject: “YOUR MONEY – FUNDING GENOCIDE?”

I had a flash of horror about having to return all the PayPal donations because PayPal was killing Kurds or something.

Then I realized it was from the Save Darfur Coalition. Turns out Vanguard Mutual Funds just increased their shares of some crappy Chinese petroleum company that gives money to Bashir.

So keep those donations coming; I guarantee none of your money will be used to fund genocide.

THANK YOU

They might have to move into a smaller house.

I used to be skeptical of Roger Cohen because his NY Times columnist photo was a TOTAL rip-off of “The Moustache of Understanding’s” photo (see Fig. 1) and I just couldn’t believe he would step to Friedman like that, taking the hand-clasp right to his face, unless he wanted to be the same kind of wishy-washy, centrist, “sensible” person who winds up bringing a lot of ruin to our sweet earth thanks to a wide-eyed, fatally attractive optimism.

So I immediately told myself “Never read Roger Cohen, no matter what,” but then I unwittingly broke my vow when I came across an article about Gaza in the New York Review of Books by some guy named “Roger Cohen” — who I assumed was a different Roger Cohen than “Ol’ Mr. Hand-Clasp Biter” because the article was so sensible.

But it was the original Roger Cohen!

Now he’s calling out Jeff Goldberg for turning Ahmadinejad into Hitler:

Now here comes Netanyahu, in an interview with his faithful stenographer Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic, spinning the latest iteration of Israel’s attempt to frame Iran as some Nazi-like incarnation of evil:

“You don’t want a messianic apocalyptic cult controlling atomic bombs. When the wide-eyed believer gets hold of the reins of power and the weapons of mass death, then the entire world should start worrying, and that is what is happening in Iran.”

I must say when I read those words about “the wide-eyed believer” my mind wandered to a recently departed “decider.” But I’m not going there.

SSSSNAP. Dr. Go-Offsky, is that you? You’re stepping to Jeffrey Goldberg, the man with all the ponies?

Goldberg fires back, calling Cohen a blah blah blah … listen, I’m trying to wean myself off following these journalist vs. journalist fights — they’re fun, but in the end reading them doesn’t seem to improve my quality of life or even really deepen my understanding of the issues involved. I wind up feeling all negative and bitter and whatnot.

Just wanted to give a shout-out to Roger Cohen for “speaking truth to ponies.”

Also, I notice he’s changed his NY Times photo. I guess Friedman made him blink.

All is quiet on the fundraiser front … no high rollers made donations today, so I have no animated gifs to post.

Tomorrow is the last day of the MNFTIU Laptop Fundraiser … your chance at animated-gif immortality is drawing to a close …

A donation of $50 gets you an animated gif! Any other size donation gets my thanks.

Oh, and don’t forget: A donation of $1,000 gets a tote bag.

THANKS

The tea bag party in Michigan featured that “Joe, a Plumber” guy from the election. Here’s a strange, beautiful quote from his address:

“I’m just regurgitating,” Wurzelbacher said. “I believe in common sense.”

I like it. It should stand as a motto for all bloggers.

He went on:

“Let me give you another extremist view, ‘In God We Trust,’” (Wurzelbacher) said to wild applause. “Say that too loud in some parts of America and you will be shot. It’s terrible.”

Who told him about Berkeley’s policy? I thought that was a secret.

Anyway, here’s a nice pic from the rally:

“4. Not really understanding what’s happening.”

Hooray, I just found out the the GYWO animations I made with 23/6 (RI/P) were nominated for a Webby Award! The category: BEST ANIMATION. Very nice.

In case you don’t know, the Webby Awards are like the Emmy Awards, but for the internet. (And also I think you have to pay $ to be nominated? But don’t worry, MNFTIU laptop fund donors, none of your money went towards the Webby nomination fee; maybe 23/6 paid the fee before it imploded or maybe Arianna Huffington sold some of her jewelry to pay the fee.)

Anyway, it’s an honor just to be nominated so here’s my speech:

“Thanks to 23/6 and everyone who helped make the GYWO videos. What a great project! Umm … I’d like to especially thank Holly Schlesinger and Brian Spinks for all their help, and Allen for his recording help and of course Sam and Richard for all their film and editing help, and how could I forget the actors: Jon Glaser and Anthony Laurent, you guys were such a pleasure to work with and so patient when I made you record the same script like eleven times in a row because I didn’t really know what I was doing and I was nervous the whole time, and also Bob and everyone down at Flat Black Films for the rotoscoping, that was so bad-ass. (SCREAMING) NOW LET’S ALL RISE UP AND STOP PAYING TAXES TO THE FASCISTS AND SOCIALISTS WHO ARE RUNNING OUR COUNTRY INTO THE DITCH!!! GLENN BECK, I NEED YOU TO CALL ME ABOUT TH–“

Well, like I said, it’s an honor just to be nominated.

Digging around in the ol’ hard drive, I came across more sponsor ads … I remember when every corporation wanted a piece of this web site … back in HTML-days …

ANGEL BEEF: Gee, who could have ever predicted that thousands of Americans would get sick from this beef? Here’s a hint: Don’t buy meat advertised via animated gif. I had to put a cyber-attorney on retainer in case the USDA decided to raid my web site to confiscate this pop-up ad. Fortunately this was back when I was hand-coding my entire site in HTML, which is considered “international waters” in cyberspace. Needless to say I never got paid for this ad. I also never ate the complimentary beef they sent me because it arrived in a recycled L.L. Bean box.

SHOE CLUSTERS, INC: When this guy called to place an ad, he spent forty-five minutes trying to explain his business to me and I still couldn’t figure it out. He kept saying “shoe clusters, shoe clusters,” and after a while I was like, “whatever, I’ll run the ad.” As far as I could tell, this guy “Ralph” sold tightly-packed groups of shoes. That’s it. That’s a “shoe cluster.” Huh? You wouldn’t even necessarily get a matching pair of shoes, or shoes of the same size — just a closely grouped assortment of random shoes from some warehouse Ralph had the keys to. Did anybody ever click on this pop-up ad and place an order? All I know is, I wish ol’ Ralph had sent me a “money cluster,” because he never paid for the ad.

CUSTOM ANIMAL MITTENS: I admit, I thought I’d make a billion dollars from the click-thrus on this ad. I mean, it’s animal mittens. “Choose animal, choose mitten.” Who doesn’t love animals? Who doesn’t love mittens? Well, according to my financial records, EVERYBODY. I made no money off this ad and after a few weeks these guys’ phone didn’t even work anymore so I gave up and pulled the ad. Oh and by the way, thanks for the free mitten (singular) guys, what am I supposed to do with ONE MITTEN with a green walrus stitched into it?

I was excited about Obama’s economic speech, especially when he said “We cannot rebuild this economy on the same pile of s–“ and I thought, “Is he gonna say it??? Please say it, Mr. President!” but then he went on to finish the word: “Sand.”

Pile of sand.

Really?

That’s the pile?

That doesn’t work for me, because “a pile of sand” sounds nice. It sounds fun. I know, I know, it’s from the Bible and so Obama has to use it because he’s so religious, but still … I think it would have been more religious to say “We cannot rebuild this economy on the same pile of shit.” At least, I would have jumped up and down screaming “Praise the Lord!” because then I would be reassured that the guy hasn’t actually been hypnotized by Larry Summers and all the other free-market fundamentalist wackos he seems to surround himself with.

Today we have a non-anonymous high roller! So let the name ED ANDERSON ring out across the blogosphere … a true high roller … high-roller pride, let your freak flag fly …

ED ANDERSON, enjoy this animated gif — it’s a celebration of your generosity!

The MNFTIU laptop fundraiser ends on Friday. Only a few days left for you to claim animated-gif immortality … the cost is a mere fifty dollars, or about the price of a single newspaper …

THANKS

Did you know Kip Winger was a socialist sleeper agent and that the song “Seventeen” was about how many socialists he hoped would eventually get elected to Congress? Twenty years later, his dream has finally come true!

There are only seventeen /
But they give me socialism like I’ve never seen /
Such a bad girl /
Loves to work me over time (on the collective farm)
Feels good (ha) /
Dancin’ close to the borderline (of redistributive tax policy) /
She’s a magic mountain (of socialism)
She’s a leather glove (oh) /
She’s my soul /
It must be love /
HAIL LENIN

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Workers, awake! Now is the time to SUPPORT SOCIALISM: