The internet is buzzing about the SXSW panel I’m participating in next Friday.

Here are some of the topics I’ll be addressing:

1. HTML vs. WYSIWYG: which is better for your homepage?

2. Font optimization for homemade bumper stickers you sell on your web site.

3. “What is Ebay?” I will show you how to buy stuff on this unique online store.

4. Introduction to the Kindle: A brief tutorial on the amazing new machine that eats books like a mechanical goat.

5. “I’ve Been Framed!” Using “frames” to jazz up your online store where you sell coffee mugs and pencil sharpeners that fell off the back of a truck.

Please help me promote this panel and get the buzz machine going! This panel is going to change the way you look at the internet!

Don’t know about you, but I am FIRED UP about Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s speech last night. After “Communist-in-Chief” Barack Obama spoke to Americans like they were a bunch of babies (all the while scheming to steal their money and give it to the banks, which he would then nationalize, meaning he would get a huge year-end bonus), it was refreshing to see a politician who isn’t afraid to speak to Americans like they’re adults.

I’ll admit, I haven’t really been paying attention to the USA Leninism Stimulator Act, or whatever it’s called. (All I knew was that it cost about fifty quadrillion dollars, and if you started stacking $100 bills on top of each other the day Jesus was born, they’d eventually reach all the way around the equator and into outer space and we’d all be forced to walk to the moon on a stairway of dollar bills made from how wasteful the government is.)

But it took Bobby Jindal’s confident, manly speech and ferocious, slashing hand gestures to really bring home to me just how wasteful the Stimulator Package really is.

Did you know the USA government wants to spend your money on something called “Volcano Monitoring?” Are you kidding me?

Like Jindal said, “Americans can do anything,” and that includes monitoring our own d*mn volcanoes. Seriously, how hard can it be? It’s probably like ice fishing. Just get some binoculars and some graph paper and a thermometer and sit around looking at a stupid volcano and every once in a while, write down some data, like, “The volcano is still sitting there, lookin’ like an off-brand mountain with a hole in it. 10 + 50 – 20. Pie chart.”

Remember: Americans can do anything. They don’t expect the government to fix everything. True Americans aren’t afraid of the drama and risk of the free market — the transformative thrill of creative destruction — the hot explosion of the unexpected — the dynamism of having your outmoded assumptions (and your home) buried in the burning lava of innovation — the full-throated cries of agony as yesterday’s losers are turned to ash and new, more productive members of society are birthed!

Ladies and gentlemen, Americans can do anything! Let’s prove it to the world! LET’S ALL GET KILLED BY VOLCANOES!

I’m going to the South By Southwest Interactive Conference in March. I’m participating in a panel discussion about HTML code and how to change the color of your home page.

Just kidding, the panel’s not about HTML. More information soon . . .

As our free market comes under deadly assault by the Socialists and the Trotskyists in the White House, we must rally around the principles of innovation, competition, and excellence that made our country great — back when it was a free-market laboratory and not the USSR paradise it’s turning into because of the Leninists known as “The Government.”

If we don’t stand our ground, circle our wagons, and march in a parade, all that we and Ayn Rand have slaved for will be lost.

So I’m proposing we hold a big fashion show and give all the money to the free market. Who’s with me?

I’m going to design a fall line whose dresses, trousers, and jackets will celebrate Ayn Rand’s legacy as well as our continuing “guerilla war” against those who would chop off the legs of the free market and serve them to poor people as “Special Leg-Burgers.”

The textures, colors, and clean lines of my fashion collection will suggest the power, elegance, and intellectual texture of the innovation that can only flourish when government gets out of the way and allows schemers, dreamers, and meme-ers to do what they do best.

Does anyone have Kenneth Cole on speed-dial? If you do, please press your phone button and call him and say, “We need some hot slogans and mottos for our Ayn Rand Fashion Fundraiser.”

Does anyone wait tables at Le Bernaddian (sp)? (That fish restaurant that was on Top Chef last week.) If so, please tell your boss that we need to reserve the restaurant for our after-party dinner with exclusive flavors inspired by Alan Greenspan’s breath.

More details soon …

(If you didn’t know that I’m an unapologetic free-market fundamentalist and budding fashion designer, I’m sorry.)

No recent era in mnftiu.cc history has been as divisive and controversial as “Wisconsin Week.”

Reader MR chimes in:

I feel like all you ever do these days is go to Wisconsin. Your blog was once the greatest blog on the internet … changing the tides of politics, current events, and art … “bringing it” to the most powerful people in the world … informing your readers about good wine … now it’s just the greatest blog about going to Wisconsin.

What can I say? My role as a blogger is to seek out the truth, comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable, and type funny jokes into my computer screen. Most of all, I HAVE TO BE TRUE TO MY OWN BELIEFS. And last week I believed I was going to Wisconsin. Why did I believe this? Because I bought an airplane ticket on the internet. And the ticket said, “Going to Wisconsin on the plane.”

Then, on Friday morning, I went to the airport and got on a plane and literally flew 10,000 (or however many miles) to Wisconsin.

If I hadn’t blogged about my trip to Wisconsin — if I had kept it secret — I would have been lying to you … and lying to myself.

And what is it they say about the man who lies to himself?

Oh, that’s right: “The man who lies to himself is like the dog that chases its own tail.”

I’m back from Wisconsin!

Hello, Friday Face-Off heads. Just want to apologize for the appalling lack of Friday Face-Offs these past few Fridays.

Don’t worry; Friday Face-Offs is indeed coming back. (I’m thinking maybe next Friday?)

Thanks for your patience and understanding as we endeavor to resolve this situation.

I hope talkingpointsmemo never stops slamming Politico.

I’ve got Wisconsin fever … gonna be a hot time in the ol’ cheese-warehouse tonight … cheddar, you better bring your SHARPEST game, because I’m about ready to GO OFF on some cheese …