10:30 AM: Defense attorney says his client is innocent . . . breaking . . .

10:31 AM: Judge says, “It’s time to bring the defendant into the courtroom . . . I expect order in the court . . . no yelling . . .”

10:31:30 AM: District Attorney adds: “AND NO LIVE-BLOGGING,” looks at me . . . LOL, somebody reads the hottest blog on the scene . . .

10:32 AM: Defendant to be led into courtroom by the bayleaf . . .

10:33 AM: OMG OMG OMG OMG

10:33:15 AM: OMG

10:34 AM: DEFENDANT IS OSAMA BIN LADEN

10:35 AM: OMG — OBL — WTF

10:35:20 AM: WTF

10:35:22 AM: WTC

10:36 AM: WAR CRIMES TRIAL — TRIAL OF THE CENTURY — I will DEFINITELY get booked on CNN after this . . .

10:38 AM: Courtroom in chaos . . . judge yelling “Order in the court” . . . OBL looking around at everyone . . . OMG he is so freaking tall and weird-looking . . . still smells like a cave, WTF . . . it’s called “Irish Spring,” homeboy, check it out, LOL . . .

MORE SOON . . . DEVELOPING . . . TRIAL OF THE CENTURY . . . BUSH HAS FINALLY BROUGHT BIN LADEN TO JUSTICE . . . THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME . . . GOTTA GIVE IT UP FOR BUSH . . . REPRESENT . . . IT WILL BE MY HONOR TO SERVE ON THIS JURY . . .

To be clear: I am pro-anti-cluster-bomb bluster.

Nations began signing a treaty banning cluster bombs Wednesday in a move that supporters hope will shame the U.S., Russia and China and other non-signers into abandoning weapons blamed for maiming and killing civilians.

Sorry, Barbara Bush and Lady Lynn Forester De Rothschild, but I’m all about Alex Kuczynski.

Hey guys! I know jurors aren’t supposed to talk about their trial, but nobody said they couldn’t LIVE-BLOG it, right?

Am I right or am I right?!?

Live-blogging starts . . . now . . .

10:00 AM: Judge is yelling at us to put away our laptops . . . blah blah . . . nice robes, dude! What are you, the Supreme Court? LOL, another juror laughed at my joke . . .

10:14 AM: Judge has called in the bailliffe (sp), he just dragged another blogger out by the lapels of his laptop . . . very tense in the courtroom . . . order in the court . . .

10:16 AM: Defense attorneys have arrived . . . “we’re going to pick jurors for a very important trial” . . . “could be trial of the century” . . . !!! EXCITING !!! . . . will write more when I know more . . .

Blessings be upon you!!!

I was really looking forward to blogging like crazy this week — kicking things off for the holiday season . . . twenty posts per minute . . . links coming out my ears . . . more LOL’s than you could shake a WTF at . . . but alas, DUTY CALLS —

JURY DUTY!!!

I’ll try my best to get out of it:

JUDGE: Is there any reason you can’t serve on this jury?

MNFTIU: I’m the hottest new blogger on the scene so I must return home to attend to my precious blog OR ELSE THERE WILL BE RIOTING ON THE STREETS!

JUDGE: Go in peace, young man.

MNFTIU: Blessings be upon you!!!

LOL, just kidding, I love jury duty . . . I get to impose my will — or at least, my theories of criminal justice — on my fellow citizens! What a great system! “KILL ‘EM ALL, LET GOD SORT ‘EM OUT,” that’s my philosophy.

“A new kind of Jury Foreman for a new kind of America: David Rees for Jury Foreman, 2008”

A very special episode of GYWO:

I’ll write more soon, but I must thank everyone who came out to the events at St. Lawrence, Richmond, and D.C.

OMG, LOL were we laughing very hard at the D.C. reading when we got into TPM and JMM during the Q&A?

Guys, I really must ask: Is it my destiny to perform a one-man show (off-Broadway) about my TPM obsession? Would that be a big hit with guaranteed NYT coverage???

“David Rees in: Talking Points My-mo”

“David Rees in: Talking About Talking Points Memo”

“David Rees in: Spam-TPM-A-Lot”

OK, more soon. Blessings upon you all!!!!!

Wonkette.com is one of the hottest blogs (which, like all other blogs, will be destroyed by my blog). I begged them to interview me in advance of my D.C. reading this Sunday, and they did!

Wonkette: If not for 9/11 and Bush/Cheney and everything, you might just be just another laid-off magazine assistant editor or something, now. Do you have any words of thanks for the Bush Administration?

David Rees: Yes, in fact I just wrote them a poem in Old English:

“THANK YEE MOSTE KINDLY”

To my dearre prefident Bushe /
whose most excelyent presiduncery hath provided mee
withe incomme (tho meagre) in thif betroubbled economie /
and whofe brillyance hath burnned its way into my soul /
and whofe leaddershippe hath made our greatte nation whole /
and whofe tenacity hath conquerred al-Qaedda moste wiccked
I want to give yee thif bouquet of flowyers I piccked /
fertilized by the corpses of Iraqi children.

 You can read the interview here.

Loyal
Intelligent
Energetic
Brave
Egoless
Rapid
Moral
American
Nymphomaniac