Just when we thought 2018 had no more surprises for us, something extraordinary happened. And it involved turtle paperweights.

Why is this significant? Because, in the ten years I’ve been making my year-end lists, one of the highlights has always been my list of the Year’s Best Turtle Paperweights. (As always, you are free to use google or any other major search engine to confirm the excellence of this particular content.)

In all these years of celebrating the best turtle paperweights, however, I have never actually seen or handled an actual turtle paperweight while making my lists. I see no contradiction here, as my intelligence and stable mind allows me to objectively judge the best turtle paperweights (and turtle-paperweights trends) from afar, rather like how an astronomer can judge a star (or planet) without being close to it — in fact, sometimes stars and planets are so far away, a telescope must be used to observe them!

It’s probably no mystery where this is headed, so I might as well cut to the chase: This year, 2018, for the first time EVER ON MY LISTS, I spent the holidays in a home that had not ONE but TWO Turtle Paperweights.

Here’s the photographic proof:

I was able to pick up, put down, handle, and otherwise observe these two paperweights with my own eyes, in total privacy, with no computer screen or other barriers between myself and these paperweights. THIS HAS NEVER BEFORE HAPPENED IN THE HISTORY OF MY LISTS, MUST CREDIT MNFTIU

To celebrate this milestone in the History of My Lists, for the first time ever — in 2018 — I will rank not the TOP TEN TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS but the TOP TWENTY TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF THE YEAR. This will never happen again!

Without any further preamble, let’s swing for the fences and do a grand-slam list never before seen … here are the TOP TWENTY TURTLE PAPERWEIGHTS OF 2018:

20. Major turtle paperweights

19. Traditional turtle paperweights that celebrate family

18. Classic turtle paperweights

17. “I’m a turtle scientist with a new paperweight … guess what it is?” (Turtle paperweight as we smile)

16. Brass turtle paperweights with green paint

15. Hefty turtle paperweights that withstand gusts of wind and secure all papers

14. Hand-crafted turtle paperweights

13. American turtle paperweights

12. Compact turtle paperweights (also known as Highly Portable turtle paperweights)

11. Innovative turtle paperweights

10. “Hennnry!” “Yes, dear?” “Did you remember to buy new turtle paperweights?” “Yes, dear, they’re in my shopping bag!”

9. Valuable turtle paperweights

8. (TIE) Turtle paperweights where it looks like the turtle is observing its surroundings / Podcast-related turtle paperweights, as in “This podcast is sponsored by Turtle Paperweights Online, why not get a new turtle paperweight in the mail every month if you’re tired of life”

7. Highly detailed turtle paperweights

6. Celebrating the best of turtle paperweights

5. Inviting a turtle paperweight to your daughter’s birthday party as a surprise

4. Going crazy for the latest turtle paperweights of 2018

3. Some of the best turtle paperweights

2. Grand and magnificent turtle paperweights

1. The most extraordinary turtle paperweight ever seen, never to be diminished

Art, it has been said, is a window into the soul. Whether it’s a landscape painted with oils, a sculpture made from the finest marble, or a video installation that dares us to think about the world in a new way, works of art are always sure to start an interesting conversation — and 2018 was no different. From major museum retrospectives to underground galleries that pushed the bleeding edge of cool, this year was marked by impressive creative strides inside the art world — and outside it. After all, what is art, other than a creative way to express your vision of the world? And in 2018, our world surely needed expression. Originality, technique, and vision were all used to make new works of art that took our breath away and made us think anew.

It’s time to celebrate the best of our creative culture. Here are the TOP TEN ARTWORKS OF 2018:

10. Pretty good artworks

9. “I don’t understand it, but I like it”

8. Vintage artworks

7. Colorful artworks

6. Cyber-art

5. Handmade artworks

4. Gallery art

3. Museum art

2. Some of the best artworks

1. The very best of art, even better than the greatest masterpieces

 

Whatever you think of brands, it’s hard to imagine our lives without them. Brands are ubiquitous, powerful, and influential (to a greater or lesser degree depending on the brand). From multinational brands whose reputations have been meticulously maintained for decades, to the latest small-batch artisan brands, when it comes to brand identity and product psychology, our first choice is brands.

And when you add “personal brands” into the mix, things get even more interesting. After all, in this age of social media and individual curation, your most valuable asset is your personal brand. Once you’ve perfected your personal brand, partnering with a more established corporate brand can give you the freedom to improvise off that brand, using your brand like a jazz saxophone player uses his or her instrument (saxophone) to make a song no one has ever heard before. Call it, “the Music of Brands,” and cue it up on your playlist, and turn it up LOUD, because I like what I’m hearing (if I like your brands)!

Here are the TOP TEN BRANDS OF 2018:

10. Subaru

9. Classic brands

8. Controversial brands

7. Casual brands

6. (TIE) Foreign brands / Modern brands

5. Iconic American brands

4. Presitigious brands

3. Online brands

2. Beloved brands

1. Perfect brands

Whether you were relaxing at the beach or grabbing a to-go order from your local restaurant, if you were on your feet in 2018, you were probably wearing sandals. Although the shoe industry had written off sandals years ago, this was the year they came roaring back — and the shoe industry was left “scrambling” to fill orders left and right for America’s favorite kind of shoe: SANDALS.

Perhaps it was our thirst for authenticity that drove this renewed interest in the most humble of footwear, or perhaps our growing skepticism of technology fueled this “Modern-Day Sandal Renaissance” … whatever the reason, we can surely claim that 2018 will go down in history as THE YEAR EVERYBODY LOVED SANDALS.

So strap on your favorite pair of sandals and let’s take a walk down memory lane together as we honor the TOP TEN SANDALS OF 2018:

10. Decent sandals

9. (TIE) Leather sandals / Waterproof sandals

8. Big sandals

7. “Yeahhhhhh, man, I got a bargain on my sandals”

6. Two pairs of sandals

5. Limited-edition sandals that you have to line up outside the store at 2:30 AM in order to get them

4. “Squeeeee!!!” (said about the latest sandals)

3. Durable sandals that stand the test of time

2. Heroic sandals

1. “God bless America” — Sandals

 

Will 2018 be remembered as “The Year Of The Scandal?” Historians aren’t sure yet. Even though the historical verdict is (as yet) unknown, we can be sure that there were enough scandals in 2018 to make the question applicable — to be sure, I have proved this point by even asking the question to begin with.

On the other hand, 2018 was not the only year to be marked by scandal. In fact, many previous years have had scandals of their own: Think of the Teapot Dome Scandal (1920s), or the President’s Scandal (1970s), or even the “Potatoe” Scandal (1990s).

This is not to say that 2018 was devoid of scandal — indeed, to be clear, in many ways this year was marked by scandals. Some say, in fact, that there were almost too many scandals.

Fortunately, I spent the year cataloging and ranking all the major scandals of 2018. I present them below. Here are the TOP TEN SCANDALS OF 2018:

10. Shocking scandals

9. Damaging scandals

8. Scandals with consequences

7. Horrible scandals

6. Scandals where you’re like, “This scandal is amazing!” 

5. Cultural scandals

4. Political scandals

3. Problematic scandals

2. Some of the greatest scandals

1. Wonderful scandals

What’s more precious than a good piece of advice? Good advice can enhance your quality of life, introduce you to better / more efficient ways of being, or even save your life. When it comes to family and friends, good advice is the one of the greatest gifts you can give or receive.

2018 was a wonderful year for advice. So here’s a piece of advice: Let’s take a moment to celebrate the BEST ADVICE OF 2018:

10. Practical advice

9. Eat more eggs

8. Wash your hands

7. You need glasses

6. Advice that boils down to quality advice

5. Don’t forget to take my advice

4. Advice you should follow

3. Wonderful advice

2. Words of wisdom

1. The single greatest piece of advice I’ve ever heard

 

 

It may be painful to admit, but a year is only as good as its highlights. Whether personal or international, highlights are the moments than define the best of an era, for good or bad. And that’s why when reckoning with a year’s end, we’d be remiss if we didn’t make a sober inventory of its highlights. We may celebrate these highlights, yes, but we must also put them in context, making sure that they are listed correctly.

Here are the TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF 2018:

10. Mediocre highlights

9. Ambiguous highlights

8. Highlights that make ya go “hmmm”

7. Personal highlights

6. Cultural highlights

5. Massive highlights

4. Amusing highlights

3. Stunning highlights

2. Indelible highlights

1. The most amazing highlights, never to be forgotten

The 90’s was one of the most important decades of the 20th Century. From politics to pop culture, if it happened between the 80’s and the 00’s, you’d better believe it happened in the 90’s!

90’s kids are a special breed, because they grew up in the 90’s and experienced many unique things. Although those 90’s kids are now adults with mortgages, families, and cars of their own, in their hearts they are still living with that unique 90’s spirit that defined the decade. And the memories they share have come to define the decade in ways both large and small … even in 2018.

So break out your modem, put on your “I LOVE SEINFELD” hat, and let’s celebrate the power of that past decade in today’s modern landscape (specifically the year 2018 — one of the most “90’s” years of all time)!

Here are the TOP TEN THINGS ONLY 90’s KIDS WILL UNDERSTAND OF 2018:

10. When you remember the 90’s in 2018

9. “Did you watch Ally McBeal last night?” (2018)

8. Oasis / Nirvana / Tupac put out a new song

7. “Hennnrrrry!” “Yes, dear?” “Have you seen my Doc Martens boots?” “Yes, dear in 2018.”

6. When it’s 2018 and you think about events from your past that occurred in the 90’s

5. (TIE) Getting your computer ready for Y2K / Which Sex and the City character are you in 2018?

4. “Never forget these crazy 90’s days we’re living”

3. The Macarena

2. “Hasta la Vista, Baby” said in 2018

1. The most significant 90’s moments of all time

Tables, chairs, and sofas: When the name of the game is furniture, these are the star players. You definitely won’t find them sitting on the bench — and not just because benches are another type of furniture! Anyway, when it came to furniture, 2018 was no different. In spite of all our technological advances, we still needed places to sit, eat, work, sleep and make love on … and that’s where furniture comes in.

Without any further ado about furniture, let’s remember that you can’t spell “furniture” without “future,” and turn to the present to celebrate the BEST FURNITURE OF 2018:

10. Wooden tables

9. Rolling chairs

8. Hotel furniture

7. Furniture from your friend’s house, i.e. that one chair where you’re like “Ooh I can’t wait to sit in that nice chair when I go to Tony’s house”

6. Lease-to-own furniture

5. (TIE) Comfortable furniture / Antique furniture

4. Coffee-shop furniture

3. American furniture

2. Furniture that leads to wonderful things

1. “I’d sell my soul for more of that great furniture”

Politics can be Man’s highest calling or the dirtiest business known to Man … and sometimes it can be both. In 2018, we saw the heights (and depths) to which politics (for Man is a Political Animal) can ascend (or descend) to. Indeed, this was a whirlwind year for domestic, international, and local politics. In the political arena, each citizen has a voice — and during 2018, all our voices were raised as one, together in an American chorus, singing that old familiar tune: DEMOCRACY.

It’s pretty interesting, when you think about it: Politics is the art of the possible, and any citizen can make a name for him- or herself by entering politics. Does that mean the art of the possible lies dormant within each of us? Sounds hard to believe, but it’s true. And that’s why, no matter if you’re a Democrat or a Republican, at the end of the day, we’re all Americans and we love politics … because who knows what’s possible? Everybody can get along if they have the same values.

So in the spirit of Democracy, let’s put aside our partisan difference, come together, and cast our ballots unaminously for the TOP TEN POLITICAL STORIES OF 2018:

10. Stunning political developments

9. Political outreach

8. Bipartisanship

7. Voting

6. “According to my thesis, the tax cut plan will effect the economy in many ways”

5. Let’s put aside our politics

4. (TIE) “The President will make an announcement” / House of Representatives on C-Span

3. Can we find a solution?

2. Inspiring political stories

1. “Ask not what about your country”